She enters the building, familiar; but offering little comfort. She enters her office, unwraps her scarf and lays her coat on the side table. She opens her laptop and starts the days emails. A tear drops from her eye, and she quickly looks up to see no one staring. She sighs a breath of relief. She stands up and heads to her meetings, tissues in pocket.
She walks away from the meeting; refreshed by what she has just accomplished with others. She files the paperwork needed, makes her final rounds driving down streets, she responds to the emails and returns a phone call. Pushing in her chair, she throws her coat onto her back, wraps the scarf around her neck, and heads home for the day. She silently nods to her co-workers as she restrains herself from running to the door, jamming the key in the ignition and leaving the premise. As she starts out on the road, she decompresses and allows the tears to roll down her face, staining her blouse in moisture.
She has been doing the same routine for 3 weeks. She will continue to do so for another 3 weeks. The silence she keeps..... protects her. But it isn't a comforting silence, or a nurturing silence. It is a painful silence, one that has haunted her and, up to this point, has made her believe she has no choices left to make on her own.
You see 2 months ago she was raped. Attacked brutally on the street and dragged to a car where a monstrous act was committed against her. 2 weeks after the attack she took a home pregnancy test : +
She has not shared this with anyone, including her boyfriend,mother or father. She has felt to ashamed to call out to God; or maybe angry. She goes to work everyday, a job that enlists her abilities in the criminal justice field. She works to catch the bad guys. To lock them up. To ensure justice is delivered. But now the tables have been flipped. She seeks no justice, silently claiming no wrongdoing to herself. Her innocence is silent, never uttered for fear of the pity and sympathy that come with a tale like this.
Fast forward 3 weeks, 4 weeks into her pregnancy. She is doing her rounds alone. Tissues are stocked as is the norm of late, and tears are in no shortage. She scans the streets for signs up wrongdoing, silently justifying to herself her silence when a sign catches her eye.
"Silent No More: Crisis Pregnancy Counseling"
She halts the squad car against the curb....... takes a breathe so deep it seems to hurt more than the pain of the secret she carries. She opens the door, and shaking visibly, walks up the steps, opens the door of the office, and closes it behind her. She walks out 3 hours later, an adoption pamphlet in hand and a prayer in her heart.
4 weeks later, she is holding the hand of a man that loves her; her belly barely showing signs of life. She is staring at 5 men in a line. The perk of there inability to see her and the love radiating from the hands being held gives her the strength that is needed. She turns to her boyfriend and utters 3 simple words: " Silent No More?" He nods with a tear on his cheek. She looks forward, offers up a prayer of brokenness and raises her right hand: #4.
"Love Is Patient. Love is Kind. "
Statistics (In 2010, 85,500 rapes were reported in the United States. Rape is often the most under reported crime due to the violence of the attack and the shame the victim lives with afterwards. As a pro-life advocate I do not condone rape. As a Christian I believe in the value of life in every child and every mother. As a broken human being, I believe in the power of God to restore his children.)
Sometimes we just get to full of ourselves...... and by sometimes I mean at some point in every day i need to be taken down a few notches. I walk around acting so arrogantly perfect sometimes and it's so selfish. I am additionally at fault because i am so aware of it when it is happening. Now i am not saying that i am a "know it all" type of person, who in the end turns out to know nothing. I do my research and am very good at what i do. I truly believe that i was created on purpose to serve others.
But I sit up in the tallest tower of the castle that i have built for myself and i see the world from an often times "black hat" lens. It is truly a structure of convenience. I build it up every day. The walls are rock hard, and the towers are strong against the storms. I stock it with pride, self worth, unyielding conviction and a whole arsenal of research and experience that will aid me in my day. I take these with me from place to place as i go about my obligations. They keep me from embarrassment, my greatest fear. Some of these views i have because of past scenarios and the ways i have chosen to deal with them. Others are just inherent sinful nature. But i doubt its capability to protect me. To keep me from hurting, from feeling unwanted, from becoming a burden to someone else.
Wow....i sound like a horrible person. Or perhaps an honest one? The more i live and make decisions that affect my world and those within it, the more i realize how often i need to be humbled. How great it is that i am a benefactor of God's greatest gift to mankind. And i can choose to accept it for strength every day, I just need to let my Castle Crumble.
My Castle just needs to Crumble.
"Love is Patient. Love is Kind"
Adoption!!! i cannot help it....the word brings a smile to my face and a calmness to my heart! this post will be short and wholeheartedly raw.
As a child blessed by being adopted, i am forever grateful to my wonderful parents. I was not an easy child to raise. i struggle/ed with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). For those who do not know, RAD is a disorder formed when a child is not granted its basic needs of affection and nurture. I spent about 5 months in an orphanage in Romania. I know very little about this time other than what i have been told from my parents. As a fairly rare condition, my parents spent the time and resources they needed to find healthy and resourceful treatments to remedy this condition that so many foreign orphans suffer from. But God is faithful, and though the pain of the unknown still exists in my life, i know He who Created the World is Greater than he who is in it.
Today i have the opportunities to advocate for those without a voice, to show mercy to the mothers who aren't ready and to the love on the children who deserve it unconditionally.
So often fear holds couples back from choosing to adopt children abroad, (that and frequently closed borders). But what if we gave that doubt to the Creator, and promised to listen to Him? Would he not deliver us through the storms, quench the fires and let us stand stronger at the finish line?
Don't Doubt....Adoption is Loving!
"Love is Patient. Love is Kind"